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Does Mediation Mean Compromise?

Mediation is a term that has become more and more familiar to the general public.  We see it used in the context of foreign affairs, industrial relations, and alternatives to court.  It is still a relatively new concept to individuals when it applies to themselves and their daily lives, however.  When considering mediation with a soon-to-be-ex-spouse, a neighbor, or a business associate, mediation becomes something very personal.  We ask ourselves questions about whether or not mediation is in our own best interest. And, since  mediation has often been associated with compromise, we ask ourselves if we should be making compromises. 

What is compromise, and is it a good thing or a bad thing?  First, when we look at definitions of compromise in the dictionary, there is this dichotomy of “good” and “bad” compromise.  Here are three definitions presented in “Webster’s New Collegiate Dictionary”:

            “a.  the process or a result of settlement by arbitration or
                      by consent reached by mutual concessions;
             b. something blending the characteristics of two others;
             c. a committal to something prejudicial.”

Then there is a definition marked “obsolete”, in part stating, “to make a shameful or disreputable concession.”   Clearly in the obsolete definition, but also in the others above, there lingers a negative interpretation to the idea of compromise. 

The most favorable definition of compromise from those listed above is “ b. something blending the characteristics of two others”.  This works well with the concept of mediation.  Mediators strive to assist parties in “blending” their interests to arrive at an agreement that works well for everyone concerned.  “Works well” does not necessarily mean that one solution will be ideal for everyone, although in a surprising number of cases this is often the outcome of mediation.

So, is compromise positive or negative?  When we compromise our principles, or our integrity, or give up something that is essential for our well being, compromise does not seem like a good thing at all.  When we compromise for the greater good, or because we better understand other’s perspectives, or because issues have become clearer to everyone involved, or because we are gaining in areas that are more important than areas where we are giving up, then compromise seems like an intelligent, effective choice. 

In mediation, compromise can be good or bad depending on the many factors that make up a personal dispute.  The important thing to remember is that in mediation, you do not have to reach agreement.  You are in control, and you know when a particular compromise involves something that is too important to lose, or when a compromise makes perfect sense in your situation.

___   Regina Olchowski